Lucian's Head of Biology Pre-Application (2'nd One.)

Lucian G.

Newbie
Sep 27, 2019
5
0
21
(Note: I am pretty new to writing Application's, Thats pretty obvious i Guess when you look at my first one. Also thanks to SleepyMode to point some Stuff out, In this Application i tried to make it more Realistic and generally with more Sense. I am not expecting this to be accepted but I Guess i will throw this in here. And Thanks for looking into my Application, Reader. :3)

Your Steam Name: "Lucian/"
Your Steam ID: "STEAM_0:1:239548469 "
Discord username: "Jigflying / Lucian/tzh45#8704 "

The name of your character: "Lucian Garz"
The age of your character: 23 Year's Old.

Education history of your character: Bachelor degree in "Biological and biomedical sciences ", Master degree in "Biology, M.Sc."
The biography/background of your character:

Lucian Garz was born in a small village in Germany named "Großkugel". There he had good grades and completed the school with 18 years old as one of the best students in his class.
He enrolled in the Berlin International University of Applied Sciences. There he studied "Biological and biomedical sciences",
Lucian had some difficulties but still managed to get his bachelor's degree in his 3 years there. He was able to do it in only 3 years because he did 15 units per semester and 15 units during each summer session.
Now at the age of 21 and having a bachelor's degree in "Biological and Biomedical Sciences", Lucian thought about a Masters degree in
Advanced Biology.
Easier said than done,
So Lucian took the entrance exam for the "Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz" and was accepted. With High Hopes and Dreams Lucian officially enrolled into "Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz" and began his Master's program in "Biology, M.Sc."
He then officially enrolled in the "Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz" and Lucian began his Master's Program in "Biology, M.Sc."
After 2 Years of Consolidated Learning and Hardworking Masters in Biology, M.Sc.
Lucian was now 23 years old, with a Bachelor's degree in Biological and Biomedical Sciences and a Master's degree in Biology M.Sc.
He started working with a middle-sized German research group, This Group had some ties with Black Mesa, Back when they provided wind measurements for Black Mesa and other information.
The Research Group was slowly bankrupt, there seemed no hope for the workers so many quit. But Lucian did not, and some of his co-workers, and so Black Mesa who we're currently looking for Workers offered him and his co-worker jobs in the facility.
Lucian immediantly accepted to that offer, There he worked for 9 Months and then he eventually asked for a promotion to "Head of Biology".


Division you are applying for: "Science Division."
Rank you are applying for within your chosen division:
"Head of Biology."

(I tried to make this Application looks more "realistic" or how should i say? Well atleast i researched some stuff like the Universitys and the time to get to an Masters Degree/Bachelor. I dont have high hopes that this will get accpted but i am gonna give it a shot. )
 

SleepyMode

Head Staff
Head Staff
Sep 10, 2019
4
0
11
Hey Lucian, you failed to make proper amends based on the feedback I have granted you on your previous application. Most noticeably, both the incorrect formatting of the application and the linguistical mistakes have not been addressed at all.
While the two are not the prime factors of review when it comes to such applications, they are very important and resemble what we expect of you while performing such a role.

As Head of Biology, you would be expected to be able to navigate around the English language with fluency. This is necessary to serve as an example for your subordinates in-game and will be a critical part of writing any sort of guides and documentation.
The latter also brings me to your formatting - you are expected to be able to format your application in a way which is easy to explore, as this also implies your writing capabilities which are an inseparable part of this position.

While you have indeed made decent changes to the area where your character studies for and eventually receives academical degrees, it failed to address the issue from the appropriate point of view.
You have explained how it was difficult for your character to study, but that is also not too relevant (although does show your character as being a mostly normal human being, but it's still not what we need to know when reading your application). Additionally, your character does not have a PhD - I did not say it was impossible, I simply said it was difficult, and that it was impossible to get two PhDs at the same time, at least for anyone who is practically human.
Finally, Master of Science in Biology is a very wide term, and you have not stated which "specialty" your character had studied, which makes me believe you have very little information of how this academical system works and that you have failed to properly research this degree before having written about the education of your character.

The last part which I want to address is one which is rather consistent with the last one - you cannot become Head of Biology after a short period of time due to the seniority level of the position - it is usually a position you would only receive after multiple years of working in Black Mesa, and even then your chances of receiving it are slim. Additionally, you do not "apply" for the position in-character - it is by no means a standard position and you would have to work your way up there.

This marks this application as denied. I hope you take the feedback I have written above in mind should you ever decide to re-apply.

Best of luck.